A person deciding to make a healthy or unhealthy choice of food
Understanding Self-Sabotaging Patterns Through a Nervous System Lens
Many people come to therapy feeling frustrated with themselves.
They’ll say things like:
“I know what would be better for me, but I still don’t do it.”
“I keep making the same choices, even though I know they don’t help.”
“Why do I keep getting in my own way?”
These moments are often labelled as self-sabotage, lack of willpower, or poor discipline. But those explanations usually miss something important.
There is a long-standing word for this experience: akrasia—acting against your better judgment. And when we look at akrasia through a trauma-informed, nervous-system lens, it becomes much more understandable and far less shame-worthy.
Akrasia Is Not a Lack of Insight
Akrasia doesn’t mean you don’t know better. In fact, it often shows up because you do.
You may clearly understand:
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What would be healthier
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What aligns with your values
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What you “should” do next
And yet, in the moment, your body pulls you toward something else—avoidance, numbing, distraction, old habits, or familiar but unhelpful patterns.
From a nervous-system perspective, this isn’t a failure of reasoning. It’s a state issue, not a character flaw.
Why Stress and Trauma Narrow Choice
When the nervous system is under stress—especially chronic stress or unresolved trauma—it prioritises short-term relief and safety over long-term well-being.
In these states:
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The body looks for what feels familiar and predictable
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The system aims to lower discomfort now, not later
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New or healthier choices can feel uncertain or even threatening
This is why people often choose options they know aren’t good for them—but that offer quick relief, familiarity, or emotional protection.
Your nervous system isn’t trying to sabotage you. It’s trying to keep you safe based on past experience.
Why Willpower Alone Doesn’t Work
Many people try to solve akrasia by pushing harder:
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More self-criticism
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More rules
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More “I should be able to do this”
Unfortunately, shame and pressure activate the same threat systems that drive akrasia in the first place. The result is often a stronger pull toward avoidance or numbing, not less.
This is why insight alone rarely leads to lasting change.
Regulation comes before choice.
Regulation Creates Room for Better Decisions
When the nervous system feels calmer and safer:
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The thinking part of the brain comes back online
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Choice widens
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Small, values-aligned actions feel more accessible
This doesn’t mean waiting until you feel calm all the time. It means learning how to gently interrupt the stress response before asking yourself to choose differently.
In therapy, this often involves:
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Noticing early signs of overwhelm
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Using simple body-based regulation tools
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Replacing shame with curiosity
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Making choices smaller and more manageable
Change becomes possible not through force, but through capacity.
A Compassionate Reframe
Instead of asking: “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”
A more helpful question is: “What state was my nervous system in when this happened?”
This shift opens the door to understanding, rather than self-attack. And understanding is what allows new patterns to form.
Practical Support Between Sessions
Because akrasia often shows up in everyday moments—late at night, during stress, or when you’re already tired—it can be helpful to have simple tools to return to outside of therapy.
I’ve created a one-page handout that:
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Explains akrasia in plain language
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Offers gentle, practical regulation tools
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Helps reduce shame and self-blame
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Focuses on nervous-system support rather than “fixing” behaviour
You can use it as a reminder that struggling with choice doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means your system needs support.
👉 [Download: When You Know the Better Choice—but Can’t Make It]
(link )
When Patterns Keep Repeating
If you notice the same patterns showing up again and again—especially around relationships, work stress, boundaries, or coping—it may be a sign that your nervous system learned certain strategies a long time ago and hasn’t yet had the chance to update them.
Therapy can provide a space to:
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Understand where these patterns came from
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Build regulation and tolerance gradually
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Practise new choices without pressure
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Replace self-judgment with compassion and clarity
You don’t need to force yourself into better decisions. You need support that helps your system feel safe enough to choose them.
Final Thought
You don’t fail because you know better and still struggle. You struggle because your nervous system is doing its best with what it knows.
With understanding, regulation, and support, new options can emerge—at a pace that feels respectful and sustainable.
If you’d like to explore this work further, I’d be glad to connect. You can book a 15-minute free introductory consultation here.
